Elephants are all mixed up;
They do things wrong way ‘round;
Their trunks are not for storing things,
But grabbing things they’ve found.
Their mothers must get mad at them,
They bathe to get all dirty;
To cool, they throw dust on their backs,
So hardly can stay purty.
Their food is eaten upside down,
Like pointing north for south;
They hold it in their nose just so,
Then lift it to their mouth.
When something tries to block their path,
They merely have to bump it;
But nearly always they will play
A warning on their trumpet.
They wag their ears to let you know
They’ve got a thing to say;
And even if you don’t agree,
They’re sure to get their way.
Their balanced meal is not like yours,
With icky things you hide;
They have to hold it level so
It won’t tilt to one side.
Your mother’d never let you do
An elephant’s worst habit,
Like stuffing things inside its nose
Then use its mouth to grab it.
When riding on an elephant
You rock from side to side,
As if you were a little boat,
Bobbing on the tide.
Just watch a line of pachyderms
Go walking to the river;
You’ll find them swaying side to side
With much more than a quiver.
Beware the plodding elephant,
As on its way it goes;
You dare not step in front of it
Unless you want flat toes.
They come already built with toys
As everybody knows;
To splash their friends is never hard:
They use their built-in hose.
Their babies don’t get cuddled much;
They soon must go to town;
They walk as soon as they are born,
Though sometimes look like clowns.
Their teeth stick way, way out in front
And nearly hide their faces;
But still I’m sure you’ve never seen
An elephant wear braces.
Their legs are bigger than most trees,
Their feet look just like stumps;
And just before you see their tails
Come mighty pairs of rumps.
Their skin is oh, so very tough,
In fact, they call it hide,
Because that’s really what it does
To what they have inside.
If you could see their skin up close
And touch it with your hand,
You’d find it very papery:
The kind that’s made with sand.
Like all they have, the tails they wear
Are elephantine size;
They swat them to the left and right
To keep away the flies.
Among the land-based animals
They beat them with their height;
To find one in the wilderness
Would surely give you fright.
This tale about the pachyderms
Has lasted long enough;
And so it’s time to end our talk
Of elephantine stuff.